kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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