I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
