I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm having to shit out rocks
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