WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
