he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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