Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
