A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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