Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
