I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
