you traded sex for a burrito?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
