This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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