It's Friday. Sex?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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