My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
