thus making me awesome and them whores
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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