Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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