i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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