i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
