I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
