Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
