he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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