My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
