i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
