I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
