i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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