I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
