we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
