PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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