My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
either way he was missing a nipple.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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