she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
