Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
