Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
