We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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