i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
