Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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