K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
