I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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