Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
