Jerry, you need to find god
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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