he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
