went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
