I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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