Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
