So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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