So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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