I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
