if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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