do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
