You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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