my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
