at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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