i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
