He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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