I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
