I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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