Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
