Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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