I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
