im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
