I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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