Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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